At first I felt that only drinking alcohol at the weekends meant there couldn’t be problem, just a standard drinker who could stop whenever they felt like it. Then I started finding excuses to pick up a drink during weekdays too, to celebrate, soothe, forget, relax… whatever lie came up to make me feel better about opening that beer or bottle of wine on a Monday night.

But when the excuses came every night and my self-hatred appeared every morning, I started resenting how much space all the guilt and loss of control took up in my mind. I was unhappy with my drinking and that made me unhappy in other areas of my life too.

At some point, without realising, I’d relinquished so much power to alcohol that I found it hard to win it back. I realised that all my promises to not drink on a weekday or not drink for a week or even for two days, fell through and I felt unreliable and helpless. Out of control and lost.

I noticed how my weekends flew by in a blur, unfocused and distorted by alcohol and realised how many memories I was giving away, how many precious moments with the kids and with my friends I was forgetting.

The shame of alcohol was also hitting my confidence and this was holding me back from being myself and doing so many things.

So after many attempts to regain my power, to stop drinking, to feel I could deal with this problem, I sought help and found Annie Grace’s book This Naked Mind and that’s where my journey to digging up who I truly was, becoming present, taking back my power and my pride.

And now I’m here, fully aware of how unhappy alcohol made me and how happy I am without it. I’ve recovered my joy for life and confidence. I am present and alcohol is no longer blurring my life. I Remember the Now.